GOT CHARACTER!

[What is it?] [Dealing with Conflict] [Got CharacterRap]

WHAT IS IT?

“Got Character” is a school-wide effort to promote a strong understanding of and support for the Tavelli motto:

·          Do your best!

·          Do what's right!

·          Treat others as you want to be treated

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Process for Dealing with Conflict

Every year our principal and counselor visit every classroom to discuss with students the power that each has (demonstrated by holding the power in the gently closed hand) to solve problems. That power can be abused (as in a bully hurting others) or given away (to a bully when we let them). It can also be used to solve problems in an appropriate manner. Students are instructed in ways to use their power to deal with different levels of conflict and/or bullying. As parents, being informed of the process we have shared with your children and using a common language will allow you to reinforce it at home. Below is a summary of what the students have been taught. (Language appropriate to the age of the students was used at the different grade levels)

Tavelli Got Character! Motto:
• Do what’s right.
• Do your best.
• Treat others as you want to be treated.

When people follow our motto, everyone feels safe and respected. When we feel safe, we can concentrate on learning and growing.
Sometimes, people don’t make good choices. When that happens, there are things we can, do depending on the situation.

For the “Serious Stuff”: GET ADULT HELP IMMEDIATELY
The “Serious Stuff” includes:

Note: Students are instructed that they are not to return physical violence with physical violence. Self-defense is only acceptable if there isn’t an adult around – which isn’t at school.

For the “Small Stuff”: First try to ignore it
The “Smaller Stuff” includes annoying things such as making faces at someone, touching your things, etc. Students were instructed that not giving someone attention often stops the behavior.
For the “Other Stuff” (including continued “Smaller Stuff”): Use the “3 Step Procedure”

1. Use an “I” message: “I feel (emotion) when you (behavior). Please stop.” E.g. “I feel upset when you call me names. Please stop.” OR, “It makes me angry when you grab my pencil. Please stop.” Students need to say this using a firm but respectful voice while looking the person in the eye.


2. If the person does it again, give them a warning. Inform them that, if they don’t stop the behavior, you’ll get adult help. E.g. “I asked you to stop calling me names. If you don’t stop, I’ll get adult help.” OR, “I asked you to stop grabbing my pencil. If you don’t stop, I’ll get adult help.” (The term “adult help” is used instead of “go tell the teacher” because the latter implies, “I’m going to get you in trouble”, walk away, and let them deal with it, while “adult help” communicates assistance in problem-solving – which may still result in consequences for the perpetrator.)

3. If it happens again, get adult help. Tell the adult (any staff member) that you have asked the person twice to stop doing something and that you need some help. E.g. “Mrs. Johnson, I have asked ____ to stop calling me names, but s/he is still doing it. Would you please help us?”

If the problem still continues, ask for help again because staff members assume that the problem is resolved unless students let us know otherwise.

Group Power

Most of us at Tavelli are kind and respectful. We also have the power to pressure bullies to change their behavior. E.g. Instead of quietly watching someone calls another names, one might, individually or with a group, say to the bully, “Hey, ____, it’s not okay to call people names. You need to stop.” That individual or group can also use the 3 Steps.

Rumors / Gossip / Talking About Others:

Rumors, gossip, and hearsay hurt people, relationships, and reputations. Students are coached to ask themselves 3 questions before they say something about someone else:

1. Is it true? Analyze whether this is really a fact or whether it is an assumption or opinion>. If it is an assumption or opinion, then stop and don’t say it. If it is a fact, then one may proceed respectfully and carefully to the 2nd question.

2. Is it necessary? Why are you telling someone? If your intention is to put someone down / build yourself up, then stop and don’t say it. If your intent is to try to understand and help the person, then you might proceed carefully to the 3rd question.

3. Is it said in a kind manner? If something is true and necessary to say, then say it in a kind and caring manner.

Listeners are also coached to stop rumors and gossip. Question the speaker if what they are saying is true – a fact, an assumption, or an opinion. They can also ask, “Why are you telling me this?” They can stop the speaker in a respectful but firm way.

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